There are times in life when you must pick yourself up by the boot straps and cowboy the fuck up. These last couple of months have NOT been those times for me. These last couple months have been a time to wallow in my own self pity. Things don't go my way, I'm fat, there's a mobile food court that's opening downtown, dashing my plans to get in on the action seeing as I have no way to get a loan, a cart, the food needed to start up not to mention the permits, or the commissary needed to prepare the food.
The dreams are big. I always envision the end result however, getting there is a murky, foggy path that I can't take because I'm afraid and I always assume that I know exactly what it is that's going to happen. As such, I may as well not take the risk, right?
What is familiar to me? Working for someone. Office environments, having a boss, making some money and minimal responsibility are my comfort zones, I'm settling. Is that how I want to lead my life?
What will happen in a few years when I've achieved my Master's degree? Will I do something with it, or will I continue simply settling for a job that just barely pays the bills?
Seems I have a lot to think about. Currently, the dreams still form and the hope is still there.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Reflections on a broken mirror.
There are so many changes in life that seem exciting at first. You begin to plan and dream about the outcome of these changes, forgetting somehow that there were bad times last time these changes were made. If you don't completely forget about the bad times, you tend to see them as less severe.
My changes have all progressively gotten worse. It's odd how quickly you forget things that have been pretty bad in the past when you're not in that environment for years.
A lot of things lately have made me take a good look at myself in the broken mirror that is my attitude and mentality about myself. Slowly, I am loving myself more. Little by little, I appreciate me and I know that I matter. If I don't know these lessons then how can I pass them on to my children?
I know all of this is very cryptic, but there are some places I can not be completely open because of prying eyes. This is one of those places. I have more to say, but I can't formulate it so it will go unwritten for now.
I just realized this is kinda goth. Ugh.
My changes have all progressively gotten worse. It's odd how quickly you forget things that have been pretty bad in the past when you're not in that environment for years.
A lot of things lately have made me take a good look at myself in the broken mirror that is my attitude and mentality about myself. Slowly, I am loving myself more. Little by little, I appreciate me and I know that I matter. If I don't know these lessons then how can I pass them on to my children?
I know all of this is very cryptic, but there are some places I can not be completely open because of prying eyes. This is one of those places. I have more to say, but I can't formulate it so it will go unwritten for now.
I just realized this is kinda goth. Ugh.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
"Extreme" couponing
I can't help it, I'm addicted to the show. In case you're living under a rock or without a television (redundant I know), you probably heard about this show. If you haven't, to sum it up, TLC has a show that follows 2 people/families in each 30 minute episode. These families have stockpiles of grocery items that have been purchased for "next to nothing." Yes, this is all thanks to couponing. From the get-go, chatting with friends and Card Man's as well as my observations, it's obvious that there is a hoarding problem going on here (with multiple other issues). Someone has a lifetime supply of mustard, others have showers filled with paper products. Other couples have rooms in their homes with shelving filled with groceries.
Please understand that when I say "groceries" it doesn't include produce, dairy or meat products. These are a lot of processed foods. I see a LOT of soda, snacks, candy and boxed/canned meals. These are pretty much NOT healthy as a lot of people noted. Although I understand the fact that when you're on a budget, buying fresh/healthy can be difficult, I also think that a lot of these couponers stockpile just because. Some donate a lot of their purchases to charity which is VERY noble. I personally have a 2" binder full of coupons just in case something that we use goes on sale for a good price and I can save a few bucks.
We're not the richest people on the block and with a family of 6 (soon to be 7 when my mom moves with us), I have to make the food budget stretch pretty far. Meat, dairy and produce are a large part of my grocery bill (especially fresh fruit and veggies). Having 4 kids to feed from teenager to toddler, I have to make sure that everything I make is healthy. Don't get me wrong, we'll have our days where we eat Ramen or white rice, red meat, drink soda or have some sugary/salty snacks. I like to keep the month 7/8 healthy.
In this show, they appeal to the American need to buy, buy, buy. Almighty Capitalism is alive and well even in my heart. Don't get me wrong, I've ALWAYS loved to grocery shop. It gives me the same high that shopping for anything does, except I love to cook and purchasing the ingredients is very zen (shut it). I think this show is rallying the masses to gather, gather, gather until you can gather no more. I can't think of a single reason why the bedrooms in my house would be overcome with shelving and boxes/cans/bottles. I can understand if there's a flood, vermin problem, etc. However that stuff should always remain either in the garage, basement or find a closet if you can't fit it in to your kitchen. Spilling over into the house unless you've got a massive amount of people in your house shouldn't happen.
I read some posts about dumpster diving (searching through recycle bins to get coupons) and I can understand it to a point (you save money by not buying the newspaper), but climbing in or even putting your kids in there to me is shocking. I'm not shocked because of the bin itself (my mom had me do it when I was little), I'm more concerned about what might have been tossed in there recycling bin or not. Hypodermic needles, glass, nails, the list goes on. There's no way I would toss my child in there.
I think where I live it's illegal to dumpster dive anyway. I'm not looking down on people who do it, but I am saying that if you're simply doing it to get MORE free stuff, then you need a reality check and there shouldn't be a reason you're putting your child in a dumpster to get MORE free stuff.
I spend $10 a week to get 10 newspapers. I clip the coupons and give a friend of mine coupons for dog stuff (I don't have a dog nor do I plan on getting one). I've got a few others that I don't use and those will go to other friends who use these things. I get 10 because it's a nice round number, otherwise I'd stick to getting one for each member of the family.
Another thing I noticed around here is that the shelves are CLEAR when you have a good deal. I have to wonder what time these people get up to clear these shelves. I like to shop at night and at that point, the pickins are slim.
We've also got to deal with rude cashiers. I encountered that for the first time last night. I had doubler coupons and the policy states that you can use three per transaction. Also it states that you can do 3 consecutive transactions which means that you have to get out of line and start again at the back of the line. This makes sense seeing as if there's a line forming, you want to allow other customers to get on with their day. However, I was there at 10:30pm and aside from me, there were 2 ladies who were couponing as well. Since I hit the cash register first, I got the female clerk there. A male clerk was called to open another checkstand as I told the cashier that I had about 8 transactions to do if that was fine. She told me that three are only allowed, etc. I pointed out there was no one else in the store. She told me she'd do it "this once." The entire time she groaned, sighed, scoffed, etc. Every once in a while she'd ask me how much I had left and that she couldn't take much more and that this show is terrible for the checkers.
I didn't say much to her, but rest assured, I won't be shopping there much if at all anymore. The two ladies who had the male checker had about as many transactions as I did, he got them right out, no fuss no muss.
There are couponing ethics, people. Learn how to be considerate to others that would also like to save on a sale. Also, if you score a LOT of stuff for free, pay it forward, donate it to those that are less fortunate and don't hog it all, you know you're going to have a lot of things expire and then what was the point of having it all?
Wal-mart has just changed their coupon policy. I'm very excited about this because as far as my town goes, they do "overage." This is when the value of the coupon exceeds the price of the item and you end up with leftover. Some people are getting cash back but I prefer to roll it over to meat/produce/dairy. I don't feel right taking the cash.
Some Wal-Marts that I hear of are taking another grocery store's doubler coupons. Wal-Mart is ad price matching (even without the ad, although I don't know how they would verify the price without the ad, so I always bring mine with me) and accepting competitor coupons. I am aware of the ethical problems with Wal-Mart, but being able to feed my kids has to be my number one priority.
In the next few weeks, I am intensely searching for ways to live frugally. I am also exercising quite a bit more than I was and hope to see results at some point, this healthy eating is kicking in for me. I just wish Trader Joe's did coupons ;p
Please understand that when I say "groceries" it doesn't include produce, dairy or meat products. These are a lot of processed foods. I see a LOT of soda, snacks, candy and boxed/canned meals. These are pretty much NOT healthy as a lot of people noted. Although I understand the fact that when you're on a budget, buying fresh/healthy can be difficult, I also think that a lot of these couponers stockpile just because. Some donate a lot of their purchases to charity which is VERY noble. I personally have a 2" binder full of coupons just in case something that we use goes on sale for a good price and I can save a few bucks.
We're not the richest people on the block and with a family of 6 (soon to be 7 when my mom moves with us), I have to make the food budget stretch pretty far. Meat, dairy and produce are a large part of my grocery bill (especially fresh fruit and veggies). Having 4 kids to feed from teenager to toddler, I have to make sure that everything I make is healthy. Don't get me wrong, we'll have our days where we eat Ramen or white rice, red meat, drink soda or have some sugary/salty snacks. I like to keep the month 7/8 healthy.
In this show, they appeal to the American need to buy, buy, buy. Almighty Capitalism is alive and well even in my heart. Don't get me wrong, I've ALWAYS loved to grocery shop. It gives me the same high that shopping for anything does, except I love to cook and purchasing the ingredients is very zen (shut it). I think this show is rallying the masses to gather, gather, gather until you can gather no more. I can't think of a single reason why the bedrooms in my house would be overcome with shelving and boxes/cans/bottles. I can understand if there's a flood, vermin problem, etc. However that stuff should always remain either in the garage, basement or find a closet if you can't fit it in to your kitchen. Spilling over into the house unless you've got a massive amount of people in your house shouldn't happen.
I read some posts about dumpster diving (searching through recycle bins to get coupons) and I can understand it to a point (you save money by not buying the newspaper), but climbing in or even putting your kids in there to me is shocking. I'm not shocked because of the bin itself (my mom had me do it when I was little), I'm more concerned about what might have been tossed in there recycling bin or not. Hypodermic needles, glass, nails, the list goes on. There's no way I would toss my child in there.
I think where I live it's illegal to dumpster dive anyway. I'm not looking down on people who do it, but I am saying that if you're simply doing it to get MORE free stuff, then you need a reality check and there shouldn't be a reason you're putting your child in a dumpster to get MORE free stuff.
I spend $10 a week to get 10 newspapers. I clip the coupons and give a friend of mine coupons for dog stuff (I don't have a dog nor do I plan on getting one). I've got a few others that I don't use and those will go to other friends who use these things. I get 10 because it's a nice round number, otherwise I'd stick to getting one for each member of the family.
Another thing I noticed around here is that the shelves are CLEAR when you have a good deal. I have to wonder what time these people get up to clear these shelves. I like to shop at night and at that point, the pickins are slim.
We've also got to deal with rude cashiers. I encountered that for the first time last night. I had doubler coupons and the policy states that you can use three per transaction. Also it states that you can do 3 consecutive transactions which means that you have to get out of line and start again at the back of the line. This makes sense seeing as if there's a line forming, you want to allow other customers to get on with their day. However, I was there at 10:30pm and aside from me, there were 2 ladies who were couponing as well. Since I hit the cash register first, I got the female clerk there. A male clerk was called to open another checkstand as I told the cashier that I had about 8 transactions to do if that was fine. She told me that three are only allowed, etc. I pointed out there was no one else in the store. She told me she'd do it "this once." The entire time she groaned, sighed, scoffed, etc. Every once in a while she'd ask me how much I had left and that she couldn't take much more and that this show is terrible for the checkers.
I didn't say much to her, but rest assured, I won't be shopping there much if at all anymore. The two ladies who had the male checker had about as many transactions as I did, he got them right out, no fuss no muss.
There are couponing ethics, people. Learn how to be considerate to others that would also like to save on a sale. Also, if you score a LOT of stuff for free, pay it forward, donate it to those that are less fortunate and don't hog it all, you know you're going to have a lot of things expire and then what was the point of having it all?
Wal-mart has just changed their coupon policy. I'm very excited about this because as far as my town goes, they do "overage." This is when the value of the coupon exceeds the price of the item and you end up with leftover. Some people are getting cash back but I prefer to roll it over to meat/produce/dairy. I don't feel right taking the cash.
Some Wal-Marts that I hear of are taking another grocery store's doubler coupons. Wal-Mart is ad price matching (even without the ad, although I don't know how they would verify the price without the ad, so I always bring mine with me) and accepting competitor coupons. I am aware of the ethical problems with Wal-Mart, but being able to feed my kids has to be my number one priority.
In the next few weeks, I am intensely searching for ways to live frugally. I am also exercising quite a bit more than I was and hope to see results at some point, this healthy eating is kicking in for me. I just wish Trader Joe's did coupons ;p
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
On the random
I've been pretty resolved to quit smoking. I haven't actually done much about it aside from cutting down to about 2-3 cigarettes a day down from 10. Tonight, although I already know this from experience and common knowledge, I started the 30 day shred and my lungs felt like they were on fire. I got into the work out and was doing great. I quit 8-10 minutes later (about half the workout).
My arms are still hurting and so are my legs. I'm going to take it slowly, if I can't finish in the next week, just keeping at it is better than sitting and doing nothing.
On to food. I'm watching the Food Network and Unwrapped comes on. They are showing how Sabrett hot dogs are made. Sadly, the one thing I forgot to get on my grocery trip were the hot dogs. How I want hot dogs at 3am...
Coupons, I'm couponing and have saved about 150 dollars plus from it. I scored 10 free BBQ bottles of Kraft. I scored a free bottle of Aleve liquigels, and a free coffee. I can see this getting better. I've got some baseball card holders that I'm already filling up with my coupons. This is working out great.
Not too huge of an update, but I figured I'd update today :)
My arms are still hurting and so are my legs. I'm going to take it slowly, if I can't finish in the next week, just keeping at it is better than sitting and doing nothing.
On to food. I'm watching the Food Network and Unwrapped comes on. They are showing how Sabrett hot dogs are made. Sadly, the one thing I forgot to get on my grocery trip were the hot dogs. How I want hot dogs at 3am...
Coupons, I'm couponing and have saved about 150 dollars plus from it. I scored 10 free BBQ bottles of Kraft. I scored a free bottle of Aleve liquigels, and a free coffee. I can see this getting better. I've got some baseball card holders that I'm already filling up with my coupons. This is working out great.
Not too huge of an update, but I figured I'd update today :)
Monday, March 28, 2011
My trip to France and a plan (part 2)
All the talk about organics in my previous post lead me to my main point. WWOOF (World Wide Opportunities on Organic Farms) is a program that accepts volunteers in many different places in the world. The hosts provide food and accommodations, sometimes these are free, sometimes they're not but it's never terribly pricey. You join WWOOF and you get a list of families that are accepting volunteers in whichever country you choose. You commit anywhere from a week (or less) to however long you want, sometimes years (watch those visa limits!). You work on the farm, learn about organic farming, sometimes about animals if they keep them in the farm and meet other WWOOFers.
Some families allow you to bring children, which would be a bonus to me. My hurdles currently are; getting to France, convincing the rest of the family, figuring out how long I want to do this and what my mom will want to do seeing as she's moving out here in a couple months. She's never been to Europe and I don't necessarily want to make her work on a farm.
Aside from that, I'm not sure how else I would go about getting a work visa for Europe, but eventually I will. I want to live on the other side of the pond, it's been a long time dream and I'm still exploring my options to make this happen.
Do any of you have experience with volunteering overseas or working on a farm?
Some families allow you to bring children, which would be a bonus to me. My hurdles currently are; getting to France, convincing the rest of the family, figuring out how long I want to do this and what my mom will want to do seeing as she's moving out here in a couple months. She's never been to Europe and I don't necessarily want to make her work on a farm.
Aside from that, I'm not sure how else I would go about getting a work visa for Europe, but eventually I will. I want to live on the other side of the pond, it's been a long time dream and I'm still exploring my options to make this happen.
Do any of you have experience with volunteering overseas or working on a farm?
My trip to France and a plan (part 1)
I think this state has changed me into a bona fide hippy. I say this because just a couple of weeks ago, out of nowhere, I decided that perhaps I would like to grow my own fruits and vegetables. I'm 34 years old and I have no idea how to grow anything except a pinto bean plant I had to grow as a project when I was in 2nd or 3rd grade.
Card Man is all about organics, but that's probably because he's lived in this state all of his life and MIL is a hippy. A couple of years ago, the farmer's market caught my attention. It didn't do it on its own though. A visit to France with my classmates in '08 opened my eyes to the way people outside of this country eat and live. The food was amazing and in particular, my host mother's house had mostly fresh fruits and vegetables.
I was called on eating quickly (as most Americans do) and since it made me self-conscious, I slowed down. I lost a bit of weight those 6 weeks I was gone and it wasn't just the eating. I had no vehicle to take me back and forth so I had to rely on walking or mass transit. Since I was in France, I did not mind it one bit. I would sit at the bus stop in Rennes every weekday morning listening to my ipod and looking at the houses that lined the street across from me. I would imagine how French families greeted their mornings and how they would go about their day. One of those days, since my host mother needed to get to work early (she is now retired but was a language teacher at a high school), she dropped me off at a friend's host parent's house. The father and mother were very courteous and it seemed as if the French home was what the American home was in the 50s. The exception to this was the fact that both parents cooked and served breakfast. They both got themselves and the children ready and then would part with a loving hug and a kiss that was unseen by us.
I guess psychologically what drew me so much to life in this small village was the fact that I did not have that sense of normalcy growing up. My childhood was turbulent and painful. I don't blame anyone for it, it's made me the person I am today and for that I am grateful. However, there were two parents in that French home. Strictness was obvious by how clean the house was and no sign of clutter.
Arriving in France altogether was a surreal experience. During the stop I had to make in Philly, my two hour layover turned into a 12 hour lay over. I was asked if I could give up my seat in exchange for another seat on the same plane because a husband and wife had gotten separate seats. I was fine with it and once I boarded, there was an Asian family sitting in the middle row, except the father would have been separated from the family. I exchanged seats once again and ended up sitting next to a woman who was attempting to sleep. I watched the in-flight movie, 3:10 to Yuma which was very good, I was impressed. I also watched another movie but the name escapes me. Once morning came and we were about an hour away, breakfast was served. This consisted of a wrapped danish and nasty airplane coffee. I saved my seat mate's danish and she woke up just in time to request her drink. She thanked me and we began chatting. We talked about our kids and the topic came up that I would be away for my daughter's 8th birthday. I would have to make it up to her by going to Disneyland Paris and getting her a hat with her name stitched on it. Turns out, my seat mate works at Disneyland Paris and gave me her contact information. She would be able to get me in for free! As the plane approached Charles de Gaulle, I looked down and saw the countryside just outside of Paris. My heart leapt into my throat and it hit home for a moment that I was in Europe. Once we arrived, my seat mate offered to walk with me all the way to the terminal. We made small talk and I discovered in France, they don't call it "wy fy" they call it, "wee fee." For some reason this stuck with me and now, almost 3 years later, I still call it "wee fee."
Once I claimed my baggage (I will never travel with that much baggage again), I headed out of the airport where I was supposed to meet a friend of mine. I was scared I wouldn't find her since my layover made me over 12 hours late. However, she was just outside baggage claim. Neither of us had slept in over 24 hours, so I wanted to get to a hotel STAT. I wasn't aware at the time that there were shuttles that took us from the airport to the nearest gare (main train stations), so we navigated the metro (with my huge bags). This was tiring and frustrating because Paris apparently has to put steps EVERYWHERE.
Once we arrived, we popped up in the Metro in the Latin Quarter. Many people assisted me with my huge rolling suitcase up the steps and down the steps. Once we got to the top, we wandered around the Latin Quarter for a bit and found a hotel, Hotel Saint Severin. This place was awesome in a French sort of way. It was small and cozy, but beautiful. Our room had a very Parisian charm that is hard to explain. The walls were painted a reddish brown, the windows were french doors that opened to a tiny railing that blocked the bottom half of the window. I squealed girlishly when I saw this. We took off to wander around the city for a little while so as not to disrupt our sleep schedule because we would have to be at the gare early the next morning and if we slept now, we'd be destroyed that next day again.
I think it finally hit me that I was in France when we saw Notre Dame in the distance. It wasn't far, but it was far enough for me to stop and wonder if I was dreaming and if so, when I would wake up. We wandered around Notre Dame and then the small make shift shops set up along the Seine until we felt it was time to eat. At that point, we went to a cafe where the waiter correctly pinned us as Americans and spoke English. We joked and laughed, he was really pleasant.
Finally, the time came when we were headed back to the hotel to finally catch up on sleep. While I tried to sleep, I found Spongebob in French and that was also very amusing to me.
The next morning, we were on our way to the gare to meet the rest of our class and travel to Rennes. The TGV (Train à Grande Vitesse which means high-speed train) was quite an experience. I hadn't been on a train for many years but this was a very fast train that allowed us to view the countryside on our way to Rennes. We were there in an hour and when we arrived, many families were already waiting for my classmates. My host mom was a bit late but she called ahead. She had gotten off of work late and was apologetic when she arrived. Her car is a Citroen and just to see that name seemed so foreign to me. As we entered the city, she showed me the original city wall, the cathedral and the school I would be going to.
Once we got to her house, once again, there was so much French charm. It is a small 2 story house, a duplex really. The inside was very simple and very nice. She spoke to her animals in French. I attempted to speak to the cat in English and it looked at me as if it would rip my face off. Eventually the cat took a liking to me.
My host mother became a second mother to me. She would care for me by cooking, making sure that I ate when I was supposed to and by forcing me to spend time with her. Understand though, that by "forcing" I mean she would draw me out of the room to have conversations that I quite enjoyed. We would watch television together and have a great time. She had a lunch guest with her adopted daughter who was perhaps 2 years old. I ended up playing with the little girl when she was having a meltdown over lunch. I taught her how to high-five :D.
She took me to Nantes where one of her daughters lived one weekend, another weekend, I went to a couple of traditional dance classes and had a LOT of fun there. With my class, I took a trip to Broceliande (Merlin's forest) and to Mont St Michel. As cheesy as this may sound France called to me, I felt like I belonged. When my three weeks were up, we left for Paris where I had originally arrived.
In Paris, we once again navigated the metro, again a huge pain in the ass. We arrived at the student housing late, but they gave us our room. It slept 3 and my roommates were at one of our other classmates' dorm room. I set my belongings down and waited for them to arrive. Once they arrived, we decided to walk around town and familiarize ourselves with the Bastille where we were located.
The next few days consisted of meeting our classmates at predesignated spots (by our teacher), exploring cafes, the market, grocery stores and landmarks. I spent three weeks in Paris and I feel as if I was still missing a lot of it.
Here it is three years later and I can't wait to return.
Card Man is all about organics, but that's probably because he's lived in this state all of his life and MIL is a hippy. A couple of years ago, the farmer's market caught my attention. It didn't do it on its own though. A visit to France with my classmates in '08 opened my eyes to the way people outside of this country eat and live. The food was amazing and in particular, my host mother's house had mostly fresh fruits and vegetables.
I was called on eating quickly (as most Americans do) and since it made me self-conscious, I slowed down. I lost a bit of weight those 6 weeks I was gone and it wasn't just the eating. I had no vehicle to take me back and forth so I had to rely on walking or mass transit. Since I was in France, I did not mind it one bit. I would sit at the bus stop in Rennes every weekday morning listening to my ipod and looking at the houses that lined the street across from me. I would imagine how French families greeted their mornings and how they would go about their day. One of those days, since my host mother needed to get to work early (she is now retired but was a language teacher at a high school), she dropped me off at a friend's host parent's house. The father and mother were very courteous and it seemed as if the French home was what the American home was in the 50s. The exception to this was the fact that both parents cooked and served breakfast. They both got themselves and the children ready and then would part with a loving hug and a kiss that was unseen by us.
I guess psychologically what drew me so much to life in this small village was the fact that I did not have that sense of normalcy growing up. My childhood was turbulent and painful. I don't blame anyone for it, it's made me the person I am today and for that I am grateful. However, there were two parents in that French home. Strictness was obvious by how clean the house was and no sign of clutter.
Arriving in France altogether was a surreal experience. During the stop I had to make in Philly, my two hour layover turned into a 12 hour lay over. I was asked if I could give up my seat in exchange for another seat on the same plane because a husband and wife had gotten separate seats. I was fine with it and once I boarded, there was an Asian family sitting in the middle row, except the father would have been separated from the family. I exchanged seats once again and ended up sitting next to a woman who was attempting to sleep. I watched the in-flight movie, 3:10 to Yuma which was very good, I was impressed. I also watched another movie but the name escapes me. Once morning came and we were about an hour away, breakfast was served. This consisted of a wrapped danish and nasty airplane coffee. I saved my seat mate's danish and she woke up just in time to request her drink. She thanked me and we began chatting. We talked about our kids and the topic came up that I would be away for my daughter's 8th birthday. I would have to make it up to her by going to Disneyland Paris and getting her a hat with her name stitched on it. Turns out, my seat mate works at Disneyland Paris and gave me her contact information. She would be able to get me in for free! As the plane approached Charles de Gaulle, I looked down and saw the countryside just outside of Paris. My heart leapt into my throat and it hit home for a moment that I was in Europe. Once we arrived, my seat mate offered to walk with me all the way to the terminal. We made small talk and I discovered in France, they don't call it "wy fy" they call it, "wee fee." For some reason this stuck with me and now, almost 3 years later, I still call it "wee fee."
Once I claimed my baggage (I will never travel with that much baggage again), I headed out of the airport where I was supposed to meet a friend of mine. I was scared I wouldn't find her since my layover made me over 12 hours late. However, she was just outside baggage claim. Neither of us had slept in over 24 hours, so I wanted to get to a hotel STAT. I wasn't aware at the time that there were shuttles that took us from the airport to the nearest gare (main train stations), so we navigated the metro (with my huge bags). This was tiring and frustrating because Paris apparently has to put steps EVERYWHERE.
Once we arrived, we popped up in the Metro in the Latin Quarter. Many people assisted me with my huge rolling suitcase up the steps and down the steps. Once we got to the top, we wandered around the Latin Quarter for a bit and found a hotel, Hotel Saint Severin. This place was awesome in a French sort of way. It was small and cozy, but beautiful. Our room had a very Parisian charm that is hard to explain. The walls were painted a reddish brown, the windows were french doors that opened to a tiny railing that blocked the bottom half of the window. I squealed girlishly when I saw this. We took off to wander around the city for a little while so as not to disrupt our sleep schedule because we would have to be at the gare early the next morning and if we slept now, we'd be destroyed that next day again.
I think it finally hit me that I was in France when we saw Notre Dame in the distance. It wasn't far, but it was far enough for me to stop and wonder if I was dreaming and if so, when I would wake up. We wandered around Notre Dame and then the small make shift shops set up along the Seine until we felt it was time to eat. At that point, we went to a cafe where the waiter correctly pinned us as Americans and spoke English. We joked and laughed, he was really pleasant.
Finally, the time came when we were headed back to the hotel to finally catch up on sleep. While I tried to sleep, I found Spongebob in French and that was also very amusing to me.
The next morning, we were on our way to the gare to meet the rest of our class and travel to Rennes. The TGV (Train à Grande Vitesse which means high-speed train) was quite an experience. I hadn't been on a train for many years but this was a very fast train that allowed us to view the countryside on our way to Rennes. We were there in an hour and when we arrived, many families were already waiting for my classmates. My host mom was a bit late but she called ahead. She had gotten off of work late and was apologetic when she arrived. Her car is a Citroen and just to see that name seemed so foreign to me. As we entered the city, she showed me the original city wall, the cathedral and the school I would be going to.
Once we got to her house, once again, there was so much French charm. It is a small 2 story house, a duplex really. The inside was very simple and very nice. She spoke to her animals in French. I attempted to speak to the cat in English and it looked at me as if it would rip my face off. Eventually the cat took a liking to me.
My host mother became a second mother to me. She would care for me by cooking, making sure that I ate when I was supposed to and by forcing me to spend time with her. Understand though, that by "forcing" I mean she would draw me out of the room to have conversations that I quite enjoyed. We would watch television together and have a great time. She had a lunch guest with her adopted daughter who was perhaps 2 years old. I ended up playing with the little girl when she was having a meltdown over lunch. I taught her how to high-five :D.
She took me to Nantes where one of her daughters lived one weekend, another weekend, I went to a couple of traditional dance classes and had a LOT of fun there. With my class, I took a trip to Broceliande (Merlin's forest) and to Mont St Michel. As cheesy as this may sound France called to me, I felt like I belonged. When my three weeks were up, we left for Paris where I had originally arrived.
In Paris, we once again navigated the metro, again a huge pain in the ass. We arrived at the student housing late, but they gave us our room. It slept 3 and my roommates were at one of our other classmates' dorm room. I set my belongings down and waited for them to arrive. Once they arrived, we decided to walk around town and familiarize ourselves with the Bastille where we were located.
The next few days consisted of meeting our classmates at predesignated spots (by our teacher), exploring cafes, the market, grocery stores and landmarks. I spent three weeks in Paris and I feel as if I was still missing a lot of it.
Here it is three years later and I can't wait to return.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Stirring the controversy pot...
There have been several articles that have caused quite a buzz in social networks, at least the ones I've been witness and participated in. There's a new recommendation by the AAP that children should ideally rear face in their car seats until the age of 2 at least. Also, corporal punishment and CIO. Mind you there are a number of other issues, but I'm going to concentrate on these for now.
Rear Facing
I have my daughter rear facing in her car seat still and plan to do so for a long while. When I had my other children, it wasn't something I had heard of. However, the logic makes sense to me. The impact is absorbed by the seat itself in rear facing as opposed to just the strap which can cause a number of spinal, head and other injuries. The counter arguments range from uncomfortable, irritable, screaming children all the way to the inconvenience of rear facing them and not fitting in certain vehicles.
I have a van, I've rear faced my daughter's car seat in a Nissan Altima 2-door coupe which is tiny, with my husband driving (he's 6'5") knees up against the dash but the car seat fit in the center.
To hell with comfort and broken legs, if it saves my kid's life, I'm going to do it. One of the other things that convinced me was a ride on Space Mountain in France's Disneyland. I tried putting my head back and it wasn't working, I was jolted a bunch and had a killer headache afterward.
A lot of transit systems have half or better number of seats rear facing. The space shuttles have rear facing seats. Will I judge you if you don't rear face your kids? A little. However, it's your choice as a parent and I know that most parents won't do something to willingly hurt their kids.
Corporal Punishment
This is a sensitive subject for me because I got my ass kicked as a child. I don't get the logic of hitting your kid and telling them not to hit. I just can't wrap my head around it. How about what an article states about women being hit. That's not acceptable, but a child being hit is. We're talking spanking here, all things being equal, if disciplining your kid allows for spanking, if there's no anger behind disciplining your wife, is that acceptable or can anger not be removed from the act of hitting an adult?
I just can't bring myself to hurt my child who looks at me as if I'm God, because to my kids for a while, I am. Teaching by hitting only teaches not to get caught, I know from experience. The consequence is a spanking, not the actual consequence of the action. It removes I think, the act and what happens when the child does something unacceptable or dangerous (of course you won't let a child get hit by a car to prove a consequence, but I'm generalizing here).
How does hitting not teach a child that this is how problems get resolved? Mom and Dad resolve problems with the child in that manner. This is a time when everything parents do is gospel, so why is it ok for Mom and Dad to hit and not the child?
CIO
I tried to let Ava cry it out in her crib one night. ONE night. I was tired and I wanted to sleep and knew Ava was tired but she wouldn't sleep. I put her in her crib and knew the crying would commence. She cried, sobbed, reached for me and called my name. I read one particular article on the internet while she sobbed. To paraphrase, it stated, "A child cries and when they realize that their cries are not getting them the comfort that they need (parents) then they dissociate themselves from the parents. The parents are not coming to their comfort in a time of sorrow or agony or fright." How can I argue with that logic?
I can't stand to hear my child sobbing if I can make it better. Yes it's inconvenient to have a child in bed with you. Yes it does terrible things to your sex life, or lack thereof. However, it only last for a small amount of time. These are years you'll never get back. For the most part, all things being equal I haven't heard of a 15 year old sleeping in the same bed with Mom and Dad.
The "My way" interaction among mothers
This is a huge problem that I think humanity faces. I'm guilty of it, as are all the mothers I know. We have a mindset of how our lives should be and in particular for mothers;
Throw more than 1 mother in a room together and throw out the circumcision, breast feeding or discipline topic out there and someone's going to die.
For a lot of us, our kids become our identities. They are who WE are. We are parents. The behavior and ultimately who our children become reflects who we are, how we loved and taught our children and our wisdom as parents, for better or for worse.
For people like me, my first marriage ended in divorce. There was a void there that parenthood filled. For someone to tell me that I am doing something wrong as a parent is immediately interpreted as an attack on my ego and my identity. Kids don't come with instruction manuals and no article in the world is going to be able to tell me that I'm parenting my child incorrectly.
Why is that? Because I LOVE my kids. My kids are the center of my universe. I do what I think is best for them based on my experience, input from others and research. What works for me, will not work for other parents and it is not my right to tell anyone that they're wrong (abuse aside of course and "abuse" is a very tricky definition).
Because a child is left to CIO for example, does not mean they will become hellions. Because a child is spanked does not mean they will become delinquents. There needs to be a perfect storm. Different children raised in the same family the exact same way will grow to be completely different adults. There are too many factors for someone to make an all-encompassing assessment that if you "don't do this" or if you "do that" you're doing it incorrectly, you need to be taught how to do it correctly and immediately must be instructed because otherwise all of these other factors can and will occur.
I have to come to the conclusion that every one of these articles, judgements, fights all come from fear. The fears are;
Our children are the only thing we have complete responsibility for. Even when it comes to ourselves, we can turn our behavior into a result of our past history. We are shaping our children's lives from the ground up. It is absolutely TERRIFYING to have someone tell us that we may be doing something wrong with our children that may harm/kill/maim them or make them serial killers, drug users, etc.
No one has a right to vocalize any type of judgement against another parent (with the exception of "abuse" see above). Humans judge, it's natural, we can't do anything about it. It's not the emotion, it's how we choose to express it.
Articles will continue to be posted. Awareness will still continue to be raised. What we're missing here, at least in the groups I belong to is that (and I like to believe this applies to ALL of us) we're looking out for each other's children. We're not posting articles to flaunt how much of a better parent the other is. We're concerned for each other's feelings, well being and general happiness. It's an amazing thing, but it takes one miscommunicated word for all of that to disappear and anger to take hold.
Everyone wants to do what's best for their kids and if they don't, they need to have their head checked. No one knows what the "best thing for their kids" but the parents themselves. Our lives are formed by our very personal experiences. No one else can determine what those are unless they are part of that family and even then, it's limited.
Take what you see in the form of articles, advice or news and learn what you can from it, apply it if you'd like or don't. Be INFORMED. Read the entire article or nothing at all and get MANY sources, not just one and definitely not one paragraph.
Agree to disagree. No one really believes you don't love your children. Take advice at face value, an attempt to help what someone else sees as a problem for THEIR particular ways. They're just looking out for you. Sometimes it's welcome, a lot of times it's not.
Finally, for the love of all that is holy, if you don't like what someone else is saying, do not listen. There's enough hate, war and negativity in life to allow this to affect you and alienate yourself from a group of individuals that are going through the same experiences with child rearing that you are. We're all in this together. Open your mind, listen with your heart.
Rear Facing
I have my daughter rear facing in her car seat still and plan to do so for a long while. When I had my other children, it wasn't something I had heard of. However, the logic makes sense to me. The impact is absorbed by the seat itself in rear facing as opposed to just the strap which can cause a number of spinal, head and other injuries. The counter arguments range from uncomfortable, irritable, screaming children all the way to the inconvenience of rear facing them and not fitting in certain vehicles.
I have a van, I've rear faced my daughter's car seat in a Nissan Altima 2-door coupe which is tiny, with my husband driving (he's 6'5") knees up against the dash but the car seat fit in the center.
To hell with comfort and broken legs, if it saves my kid's life, I'm going to do it. One of the other things that convinced me was a ride on Space Mountain in France's Disneyland. I tried putting my head back and it wasn't working, I was jolted a bunch and had a killer headache afterward.
A lot of transit systems have half or better number of seats rear facing. The space shuttles have rear facing seats. Will I judge you if you don't rear face your kids? A little. However, it's your choice as a parent and I know that most parents won't do something to willingly hurt their kids.
Corporal Punishment
This is a sensitive subject for me because I got my ass kicked as a child. I don't get the logic of hitting your kid and telling them not to hit. I just can't wrap my head around it. How about what an article states about women being hit. That's not acceptable, but a child being hit is. We're talking spanking here, all things being equal, if disciplining your kid allows for spanking, if there's no anger behind disciplining your wife, is that acceptable or can anger not be removed from the act of hitting an adult?
I just can't bring myself to hurt my child who looks at me as if I'm God, because to my kids for a while, I am. Teaching by hitting only teaches not to get caught, I know from experience. The consequence is a spanking, not the actual consequence of the action. It removes I think, the act and what happens when the child does something unacceptable or dangerous (of course you won't let a child get hit by a car to prove a consequence, but I'm generalizing here).
How does hitting not teach a child that this is how problems get resolved? Mom and Dad resolve problems with the child in that manner. This is a time when everything parents do is gospel, so why is it ok for Mom and Dad to hit and not the child?
CIO
I tried to let Ava cry it out in her crib one night. ONE night. I was tired and I wanted to sleep and knew Ava was tired but she wouldn't sleep. I put her in her crib and knew the crying would commence. She cried, sobbed, reached for me and called my name. I read one particular article on the internet while she sobbed. To paraphrase, it stated, "A child cries and when they realize that their cries are not getting them the comfort that they need (parents) then they dissociate themselves from the parents. The parents are not coming to their comfort in a time of sorrow or agony or fright." How can I argue with that logic?
I can't stand to hear my child sobbing if I can make it better. Yes it's inconvenient to have a child in bed with you. Yes it does terrible things to your sex life, or lack thereof. However, it only last for a small amount of time. These are years you'll never get back. For the most part, all things being equal I haven't heard of a 15 year old sleeping in the same bed with Mom and Dad.
The "My way" interaction among mothers
This is a huge problem that I think humanity faces. I'm guilty of it, as are all the mothers I know. We have a mindset of how our lives should be and in particular for mothers;
- How our birthing experience should be.
- Whether we breast feed or bottle feed (and how long).
- Cloth or disposable diapers.
- What we feed our children once they go to solids and beyond (including drinks).
- How we discipline our children.
- How we educate our children.
- How we play with our children.
- How (and where) our children sleep.
- What the parental roles are.
- What our boundaries and rules for our children are.
- How we interact with extended family.
- Circumcision.
- Ear piercing.
Throw more than 1 mother in a room together and throw out the circumcision, breast feeding or discipline topic out there and someone's going to die.
For a lot of us, our kids become our identities. They are who WE are. We are parents. The behavior and ultimately who our children become reflects who we are, how we loved and taught our children and our wisdom as parents, for better or for worse.
For people like me, my first marriage ended in divorce. There was a void there that parenthood filled. For someone to tell me that I am doing something wrong as a parent is immediately interpreted as an attack on my ego and my identity. Kids don't come with instruction manuals and no article in the world is going to be able to tell me that I'm parenting my child incorrectly.
Why is that? Because I LOVE my kids. My kids are the center of my universe. I do what I think is best for them based on my experience, input from others and research. What works for me, will not work for other parents and it is not my right to tell anyone that they're wrong (abuse aside of course and "abuse" is a very tricky definition).
Because a child is left to CIO for example, does not mean they will become hellions. Because a child is spanked does not mean they will become delinquents. There needs to be a perfect storm. Different children raised in the same family the exact same way will grow to be completely different adults. There are too many factors for someone to make an all-encompassing assessment that if you "don't do this" or if you "do that" you're doing it incorrectly, you need to be taught how to do it correctly and immediately must be instructed because otherwise all of these other factors can and will occur.
I have to come to the conclusion that every one of these articles, judgements, fights all come from fear. The fears are;
- Destroying your child's future
- Creating a delinquent
- Affecting your child's mental, physical and emotional health negatively
- Affecting your child's development negatively
- Being a neglectful or abusive parent
- The discovery that you have "scarred" or "ruined" your child's life
Our children are the only thing we have complete responsibility for. Even when it comes to ourselves, we can turn our behavior into a result of our past history. We are shaping our children's lives from the ground up. It is absolutely TERRIFYING to have someone tell us that we may be doing something wrong with our children that may harm/kill/maim them or make them serial killers, drug users, etc.
No one has a right to vocalize any type of judgement against another parent (with the exception of "abuse" see above). Humans judge, it's natural, we can't do anything about it. It's not the emotion, it's how we choose to express it.
Articles will continue to be posted. Awareness will still continue to be raised. What we're missing here, at least in the groups I belong to is that (and I like to believe this applies to ALL of us) we're looking out for each other's children. We're not posting articles to flaunt how much of a better parent the other is. We're concerned for each other's feelings, well being and general happiness. It's an amazing thing, but it takes one miscommunicated word for all of that to disappear and anger to take hold.
Everyone wants to do what's best for their kids and if they don't, they need to have their head checked. No one knows what the "best thing for their kids" but the parents themselves. Our lives are formed by our very personal experiences. No one else can determine what those are unless they are part of that family and even then, it's limited.
Take what you see in the form of articles, advice or news and learn what you can from it, apply it if you'd like or don't. Be INFORMED. Read the entire article or nothing at all and get MANY sources, not just one and definitely not one paragraph.
Agree to disagree. No one really believes you don't love your children. Take advice at face value, an attempt to help what someone else sees as a problem for THEIR particular ways. They're just looking out for you. Sometimes it's welcome, a lot of times it's not.
Finally, for the love of all that is holy, if you don't like what someone else is saying, do not listen. There's enough hate, war and negativity in life to allow this to affect you and alienate yourself from a group of individuals that are going through the same experiences with child rearing that you are. We're all in this together. Open your mind, listen with your heart.
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